Everything

I am not even going to lie..My everything hurts right now.I bet you're wondering what I mean by that..I mean EVERYTHING.Head to Toe..Inside and out..Achy.I am literally sick.I miss Phil so much my bones ache.
I talked w/the Atty.Earlier..I have been telling him for 8 weeks almost that we would have him paid..and I have..but I have only given him not even 1/3 of what we owe.He told me that we have not much time w/Phil not being indicted yet(Praise God)& with his court date in August fast approaching..He would have to withdraw if I can't come up with the money and he would hate to do that.I am so hurt.I feel like I am letting my husband,and my kids down..and I feel like the promice I made to bring him home is fast becoming a lie.It sickens me that those liars can sit there and smoke their drugs and laugh and have fun..while my husband is in jail because they wanted $800 and to ruin a business' name..They instead have ruined many lives..including his-and his name on top of all that.While they can go and play victim to the "black dude"..This man is incarcerated,away from us.How selfish of them.
I know I promiced that I would post his "sermonettes"..but I had to come on here and explain why I have not been here.I am,for the lack of words..Depressed.I have been Twittering,Facebooking,and Myspacing positivity,happiness,joy and laughter..but inside..I am in a corner,sobbing and holding my kids..clutching a picture of me and Phil from happier times.

All we need now....
So,I went 2 days ago and applied for a loan..and all I need is a cosigner.In these days and times..so many people get hoodwinked and in trouble doing that..Its like asking someone would you like to be poked with a needle 50 times a day for 40 years.Of course,everyone is giving the usual "If I could,I would..but I can't and I'm so sorry" Speech the past 2 days..and It tears a small piece of me everytime I hear it.Right now as I type..I am about to cry and my chest is aching.I feel so,so bad.Why can't I help him? Why can't I even get online and raise money for him? What am I doing wrong that I can't even draw 700 people to donate 5 bucks..or however I need to do/ask? LORD,HELP US..WE NEED A MIRACLE. I pray that the jailer could walk right in there and set him free,and all this could be ripped up and like a bad dream..God can do it..but I can't.I pray that whomever reads this would feel compelled to donate something..anything.I have taken every dollar I have gotten straight to the Atty..and I even had a friend or 2 tell me..people want to know the entire story,etc.If they donate..and they want to donate something more than $5.I told them..Call my home phone.I can tell them what they need to know..right now as we speak.I can give them the atty's website,to prove he is a real person.I can do a lot of things..but right now..I am more disappointed in people who claim to love him..and people who said they were going to help..Like the Pastor friend of ours who said it was in Overseas funds and he can't get ahold to it because of customs.What a lie! He said he would donate the entire thing(3500)to us..instead..I have waited and called him for 8 weeks..he either cuts the phone off,lies,or says he will get one of his church members to do it.I am over here appalled.I can't talk about the man because I can judge no one.But he should have not lied to me..and gotten my hopes up..and even called the atty and told this man he was coming..4 weeks ago.I am up to my neck with lies,with people judging the situation,and people judging what was written in the local paper.No one offered to put the REST of the story in the paper..about the bribery,the lies,and all THEIR business..NO..they wanted to put our full address,his whole name,and all our info in there..which leaves me up half the night trying to protect my babies from some crazy person busting in on us.
A Favor
I would like to ask each and every one of you..to please pray for us..we are going through some of everything right now.My cousin,age 21 was killed in a robbery and burned in a car last week in GA..she just had a baby too.My friend from school and from my old job back home..her mother died today..and her mom was extremely cool and I was very fond of her.The landlord decided she couldn't wait til the end of the month for 90 dollars for a late fee..(I was late one day!!)so now she says I broke the lease..therefore we have to move asap..with no help whatsoever.Truck payment is behind(we have a 87 S-10..Phil got money from it so we could move in this house..our deposit for lights was 610.00 and we needed 300 more..so he sacrificed his vehicle)and there is just so,so much going on.Family wise,I am alone w/the kids..everyone else is too busy being all for themselves to pray with me..to come talk to me..to call and say hello and actually mean it.As for my side of the family,they are too busy being self absorbed to call me without being negative,fussing,or treating the situation like it is going to go badly and I will be alone forever.So..When I get the few phone calls a week and my one visit with Phil..It keeps me going..God,the kids and Phil=all I have.It tears me up to know how many people I have cried with,helped,been on IM til forever with..All the people I have done for and been there for through their situations,while my husband was watching TV and the kids were asleep..Time I cant get back-but Im alone now..and where are they..?
Please help..
I hate asking for anything..I really do.I just am running out of options and time..and I can't break my promice to my husband or to God that I will make things right and help him prove his innocence.If you have it to give..could you PLEASE donate..$5 (or more if you have it..please) to the Attorney fees...Right now..I wish I had credit so I could get the loan on my own..Or I wish I had a way to get the money on my own..but I CAN'T.I even went as far to fill out for numerous payday loans to try to get the money.I tried my best.I did everything I could..but I have absolutely no other option other than trying again at fundraising online.I am going to try my best at doing it here..and on twitter..and whatever way I can without getting on anyone's nerves.If you choose,you may even email me and ask me questions if needed.I will be more than happy to answer any questions you may have and to provide you needed info for you to decide to donate anything more than a few dollars.The Email to contact me is: http://aprayingwifey@gmail.com.
I will do anything to save him from going to jail for no reason at all.I know for a fact that the things he's being charged with are false and a lot of others do as well.I am not only saying this as his wife-but I am saying this as his best friend and his other half.
I KNOW Phil.We have been together for 5 yrs..married for 3.Phil has a huge,giving and caring heart..and he is a wonderful man who loves God.If you could call those inmates he is in there with and ask them..They would tell you about "Preacher".Phil has helped many inmates in the 2 months he has been there (almost 2) to better their lives..to become saved..to realize that marriage is not a bad thing and to give it a try.Phil has even made it to Trusty status.He cleans and washes dishes..and he also gets to have visits with us on the weekend for a few hours.Before it was 15 minuites for whomever came..behind a big metal wall,with a plexiglass scratched up screen and a little speaker..and now,thank God..he can hold me and the kids.We can hug..we can kiss.We can hold hands.The little things we did everyday..and the little things sometimes we were too tired to do more than once a day..now are treasured moments on the weekend.I can finally see his gorgeous face..his pretty smile..feel his heartbeat.I can smell his soap on his skin..rub his face..You just don't know how priceless that is to me.
I still cry when I see the "Fallen for you" At and T commercial..because that's "our commercial"..I always told him I didn't think I could handle it if we were apart like that.Lo and behold..It's happening right now.I am holding my own..but I am weak at heart and I am weak at body right now.I can barely pack,sometimes here lately even type..because of my arthritis and because I am just TIRED.When..not if but when..my baby comes home..I just want to go school shopping for the girls..take the kids to the park..barbecue and be with family..to cuddle and catch him up on TV that he missed.I just want things to be NORMAL again..I want my Everything to be better.

Well..I am off to go figure out what to do next..
If you would like..a friend and I made youtube videos about this situation with Phil..Email me for the link If you want to check them out.
God bless you all and have a good night..If you found my link through Twitter or something..please let me know you checked out the blog.
Much love..
As always..
Until tomorrow,
~*A Praying Wifey*~

Optimistic

When I was young,There was a Gospel group called Sounds of Blackness..And they had this song called "Optimistic".Throughout my life,that song had more meaning than I would ever know..Enduring so much pain,death,heartache,abuse from my ex husband,and other horrible,tragic things that happened-That song would pop in my head when I would be sobbing uncontrollably about whatever situation I would be facing at that time.
Fast forward about 15 yrs. The song is still one of my favorites..and something I listen to often.It brings me hope and peace,and knowing God's word says clearly what man is denying..not only to me but Phil as well. "You can win..as long as you keep..your head to the sky..be optimistic".When I hear my family-or even some of his family saying negative things about the situation-I hold on to the Optimism and the Word that God has given me thru this situation.I refuse to let this situation get the best of me.Or of Phil.We will be together soon.
I get where people are being negative,because he has a past before he got saved and before he really grew up-where he took the rap instead of snitching on friends,and got himself a record.I will not lie and say he was completely innocent in both cases,because he wasn't.He was around them and he was not 100% at fault either way as well.But now that all this is going on,they are being HUGELY negative.As well as on yet another social network,where I received a Direct message saying I seemed like a scammer and needed to give details,etc.
WELL....SOME people are not all there in the world..I cant just put EXTRA personal info like that out there unless it is beneficial to the defense fund..because addresses,etc are in there and I cant just give that info to ANYONE..you know?
I am online for a reason.I need to help my husband in any and every way I can.I pray for him,I have people pray with me for him.People locally are donating,but jobs are so scarce in this tiny place many cant.He has friends who buy waverunners,Hummers,etc. And own businesses,but I have not heard from any of them at all.
This situation is a mess.Phil walked in someone's house that he was uncomfortable around previously..because they had repaired appliances before there and he didn't like being there...
(I mean-honestly-If I was on probation and had changed my life,and there is a house full of people smoking various drugs,and with their minor daughter as well..and I was not in my vehicle; but with the boss, I would be trying to hurry and get out of there too.)and he was steadily being offered a hit of this and a hit of that..and telling these people over and over again-I am on papers,I am a Christian God fearing man,I dont do all that..
He puts a new hose on a washer,tells them about a broken gun his cousin has for sale for a friend and ends up being on the bad side of a bribe..
Then friday(the next day)these horrible people are calling the boss' son over and over again telling him they need their money back for the appliances AND they wanted to keep them TOO and if they DIDNT get what they wanted by the end of the day..they would call the cops on the "Black dude that knew about the gun on probation"...?????? And then...2 days later,the police come and get my husband..??? That cant EVEN be made up..My husband is a victim and My kids and I and even his parents are suffering..But scammer-I will never ever be or have been.
I chose to remain optimistic even through what this person said in the message,and have still been getting love from friends on there who want to help spread the word.
Some times I wonder how things would of went,if Phil wasnt "the black dude on probation"..and instead had been of another race..or even had been the boss' son.I wonder how things would of went,if the Police actually were doing their job 100%..would these people still be driving around,free as a bird,smoking crack,marijuana,and whatever else with their underage daughter(I know she is underage,because when I was questioned about the gun,they said one of the witnesses was 15)...Knowing full well when they called the police TWO DAYS LATER..they would have to give a statement..it was well rehearsed actually when everyone was together..but when seperated...they all were telling completely different and conflicting stories-so much so that the investigator gave them til monday to say it was a mistake,and they misunderstood the entire situation-but instead,they thought they could make a KILLING by victimizing themselves..by selling and using drugs in front of their CHILD and the other 7 people in the house that didn't even say a word about any of this(just the husband,wife and daughter)..and since the heat is all on "black dude"...they can look like the poor,poor people who live in the country and manufacture and sell all types of drugs AND use them as well..All because they lied on my husband.
But,Optimism has kept him going as well.He is STILL preaching in there.He is STILL writing daily bible verses with mini sermonettes.He actually is getting baptized for the 2nd time today as well.I wish to God I could come and see it but I cant..Visitation was Sat. I am so very very proud of Phil,and WHEN,not IF he comes home within the next few days or weeks..I want him to see this and KNOW of all the struggles,prayers,tears and love I have had for and about him.I know he knows how I stay awake,insomnia kicking me in the head,as I try and try to figure out what to do next,to make the rest of this money for the atty.
I will not let Satan continue to take this situation and make me depressed,or make me even think that he isnt coming home soon-because he is.Phil may not be perfect..but he is GOD's Son..He is MY soulmate and husband,best friend and life partner..and He is the father to my children.I pray that God continues optimism in all of us and in everyone involved..and I pray today is the day he comes home.
Sorry about his sermonettes not being posted yet..I have been fundraising out and about and all..They will be posted soon.
God bless and have a wonderful week..
Until next time-
~* A Praying Wifey *~