I miss him soo much..Day 19

When I look at our daughter..I see him.And when she talks,smiles,or does something annoying..I see him..Everywhere I look in the house..I still see his stuff..and I don't want to move it.I think he is going to come in,any second now..and move it himself,after I say something to him about it..of course,after I look into his eyes and give him a kiss and ask him how did things go today.

I talked to him a little bit ago..before I gave Lil Mini Phil-the girl version-her bath.He is in the works for a youth and young adult movement at church,and working on the name,details,etc.He just knows he wants to do this on every Thurs.night and have a speaker/guest who was once where they are now..in clubs,in the streets,riding around,excuse after excuse as to why they aren't saved or in church somewhere on Wednesdays or Sundays.He is still happy..other than our radiator..on it's way to the store,fell out(Yes..I said FELL OUT)of the UPS truck with everything else that was scheduled to be dropped off by that driver today..and BROKE..as well as the person behind him had a accident due to all the things flying off and hit them.I can't believe this..I was crying and hysterical..I got to thinking about the fundraiser not going too well on the first day...my husband is locked up..my car is not fixed yet..But luckily,he calmed me down with his soothing voice;and assured me things would be fine.Thank God for at&t..or else THAT wouldn't of been possible.I felt a little better.I didn't even want to go to Revival tonight..because I felt down and out.My statuses on FB and Myspace..They had the little sad blue face.I was that upset.The radiator's fall to it's sudden demise..Brought a flood of sadness,and depression for a little while.I cried for about a hour..and I prayed out loud..I asked God WHY...Why can I not even raise a few thousand dollars for my husband..WHY can't I get a radiator NEXT DAY SHIPPING..like anyone else??Why is my husband gone?Why is something happening EVERYDAY??Why,Lord! Why???

But a message from Phil,who called about 2 hours after the Radiator Meltdown..Hit me.

He said:"When you are a Child of God..You go through all sorts of bad,all kinds of pain.Because that's what He went through.Then when all that is over..the blessings will be flowing like rain!Calm down."

Image by Mindful One via Flickr

That got me to REALLY thinking.After all,I spoke with the attorney,C.;and that was after I thought for a little while as to what he would say when I said I may not have the rest of what I owe him and the defense team.C said that no court dates..for the Probation Revocation OR the Grand Jury for the other stuff had been set yet.But you never know..so I had a couple more days to get things together.I was sooooooooooooooooo happy to hear that! A relief,at least for one thing,was taken off my shoulders.I thanked God in my mind for this,and went BACK to Operation Justice and went to work.I thought about how hard times are,and I knew in my mind that GOD IS GOING TO BLESS. God will put it in hearts and minds to help.God will give it to someone..to give back to someone else.I wondered in a tiny thought in the very back of my head..Do people think this is some crazy scam.I know people from here who saw the story,or that have social networking in our local area,know what happened..I am going to post the newspaper article when I can figure out a way to block our address,when he comes home.Because it actually HELPS to show the ABSURD LIE told on my Future Pastor husband :)

The devil IS a liar..I am going to get this defense fund,some how..and I am going to have my husband home by the end of the month..I am going to speak it into existence and I hope yall pray that miracle upon him in the mighty name of Jesus!

Well..I just got in from Revival..and I wish yall could of been there! N. really preached.It was beautiful..because everything she said coincided with what I have been speaking and talking and thinking,with and about Phil..and other people.God is going to give us favor..and I know,I just have the FEELING..that I am NOT going to have to miss him,at least for this long,ever again.I know he will have things he will have to do in the church with his father,the Pastor,and I can't be there..But,I would rather miss him for a short while and be able to text/call him on his cell while he is away..and be waiting on him..than to keep going to bed lonely,to keep feeling this void in my life physically,emotionally and mentally.God has me covered on all those things;but you know what I speak of when the man/woman God has blessed you with is suddenly,without warning,taken away.Whether it be by tragedy or something like this,even;it is still a loss..a profound one..and I miss him more and more each day.

I pray that you will spread the word about what you read here..and about his story..because I dont ever want to hear of someone else going thru what we are.I know it happens every day..when someone gets taken away and incarcerated over a FLAT OUT LIE but its alright.Im going to tell you like I tell myself everyday..and like others tell me.Jesus will fix it.

Until tomorrow..as always-

A praying wifey